Mitch Anthony
Mitch Anthony
FINANCIAL LIFE PLANNING
tience , making real conversations harder and creating distance between speakers .
Arguably , the invention that blazed the trail for the current trend in communication arrived in 1971 . PhoneMate introduced one of the first commercially viable answering machines , the Model 400 . The unit weighed 10 pounds , could screen calls , and held up to 20 messages on a reel-to-reel tape . There was also an earphone enabling private message retrieval .
Its original intention was to ensure people would never miss a call . The unintended consequence was that people had their first opportunity to screen calls
and avoid talk . They could now respond on their own timetable . People were literally off the hook for having to converse with a person on a matter in which they would rather not . If the other party also had an answering machine — and the caller had a good idea the person would be at work — they could simply choose to leave a message .
The temptation to avoid face-to-face discussion is powerful . Fast-forward to now , and we have texting , which has accelerated the messaging phenomenon into the dominant state of social intercourse . It ’ s where much of the traffic is flowing .
Modern communication sometimes feels like conversation , but the human exchange is missing , and connectivity is compromised when we message instead of talk face-to-face in order to save time .
The human exchange is missing , and connectivity is compromised when we message instead of talk face-to-face in order to save time .
Our society has begun to feel the effects of the downward spiral . These days , we feel more comfortable if we are in control of whom we talk to and when . We feel insecure meeting someone in person . Think of people in adjacent workstations — no more than 10 feet apart — emailing each other . We are cocooning ourselves within messaging bubbles where we are in contact with people but not necessarily in touch with them .
This is what Thoreau worried about . We can ’ t help but wonder what kind of conversationalists will emerge from the texting generation . If the medium is indeed the message , then the message is clearly , “ Be brief , get to the point , respond immediately — and I ’ ll respond when it ’ s convenient for me .”
Don ’ t get me wrong . I ’ m not anti-technology . In fact , I love the efficiencies that it offers . I use messaging services every day and appreciate having the expeditious and reductive option available when needed . But I also recognize how easy it is to lose touch with the borders between messaging and conversing .
I developed an exercise for my workshop audiences that illustrates this point : People are paired up and given a communication kit that includes a mask and a blindfold . I explain that they are going to have a conversation about an important life issue in three segments of 90 seconds each . In the first segment , they are required to put on the mask and communicate with a pen and pad they pass back and forth . In the second segment , they are instructed to take off the mask and put on the blindfold and then resume their conversation verbally . In the final segment , without the props , they are encouraged to converse .
In the final segment , you feel the air cleared of obvious frustration . People are talking freely and animatedly . At that point I ask , “ What does this remind you of ?” and participants talk about texting and phone calls — and the shortcomings of each . Participants also notice how much more people tell than they converse .
They notice that in texting we remove one additional sensory perception by removing our ears from the conversation . We can no longer hear the hesitance , the relief , or any of the other audible clues to emotion . We are trusting keyboard characters and symbols to interpret what our eyes and ears are designed to do — and that is to interpret emotion ( although the use of emojis attempts to accomplish that ). This compromise is that our brains are being “ wired ” away from the instincts to converse in a way where there ’ s a real exchange .
Though the move toward messaging may really be about people wanting to save time — again , it seems more about avoidance . And if so , what are they giving up ? In a real conversation you can hear somebody ’ s inflection and cadence and sense their mood . With messaging it is far too easy to misread — we have “ send ” buttons but not “ understand ” or “ interpret ” buttons . A lack of practice in conversation makes for imperfection in communication .
I ’ m beginning to pay closer attention to what form of communication I use and the context that I use it in . I ’ m cautious now about being rewired away from achieving connectivity by the forms I ’ m using to connect . After all , sometimes only a faceto-face conversation will do .
MITCH ANTHONY is the creator of Life-Centered Planning , the author of 12 books for advisors , and the co-founder of ROLadvisor . com and LifeCentered- Planners . com .
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