Robert Laura
Robert Laura
THE BIG PICTURE stressful events that contributed to them becoming physically ill .
Holmes and Rahe labeled each of these events a “ life change unit ” ( or LCU ) and gave each one a “ weight ” on the scale . Meaning some events are more stressful than others .
As you might expect , dealing with one or two of these factors can be challenging enough , but if several different problems hit someone at the same time , it can create a downward spiral . They might have to let go of their best-laid plans and the dreams of what their retirement was supposed to look and feel like .
Unfortunately , details like this never seem to make it into glossy brochures , TV commercials , or financial advisor conversations , but this is real life retirement .
4 . Retirement isn ’ t a feeling . You can ’ t feel your way to it or through it . The reality is , a person ’ s overreliance on how they think they are going to feel instead of plans and actions to create those feelings can end up being a problem .
Early on we are trained to believe that retirement is a happy time of life that will automatically foster positive feelings because we finally achieved a goal that was set for us 30 to 40 years before . But feelings can be fleeting and unreliable . They are often shallow and shortterm . They can quickly change with what we are doing — or not doing . It ’ s one reason I often hear new retirees say , “ I thought everything was just right , but it feels all wrong .”
New retirees may say they are busier than ever , but most of their activity feels meaningless . They feel less connected because they aren ’ t seeing family , friends or former co-workers nearly as much as they thought .
It may be taking more effort than expected to get to the gym or an unexpected injury has them sidelined , and instead of doing something positive , say volunteering , they ’ re spending over half of their time watching TV . Their actions ( or inactions ) aren ’ t producing “ happy ” or “ good ” feelings , so many people suffer in silence as they try to figure out why things look good on the outside but don ’ t feel right on the inside .
The truth is , retirement will never feel right unless people have concrete and specific plans to make it that way .
5 . The coming subtractions . During the retirement transition , you often feel like you ’ re getting unequal trade-offs between what you gain and lose . Yes , you gain time and freedom , but you also lose routine , direction , social connection , mental stimulus , physical activity and influence , to name a few things .
It ’ s not uncommon for people to retire and grieve the loss of their career identity — along with the other things work provided for them . Things they may have taken for granted and underappreciated are now gone , which causes a void , leaving them feeling unsettled or disoriented . Work is one of the things that defines us for years and gives us identity , purpose and direction .
Retirees may not miss staff meetings , expense reports or annual reviews at first . But without the mental , social and physical value that work provides , they come to have doubts about their decision to retire . They can ’ t fully compre- hend why it doesn ’ t look or feel like they thought it should .
Finding replacements for the things we ’ ve lost in the workplace isn ’ t always easy . But the science of positive psychology can help us better understand the significance of this trade-off and help prepare us to thrive in the transition rather than just survive .
6 . Retirement doesn ’ t eliminate work . As people near retirement , they will likely conjure the idea that they are done working . That all the hard work and sacrifice over the years has finally liberated them .
This is the wrong mindset . Retirement doesn ’ t eliminate work . It reorients it . Truth be told , retirement takes work ! Instead of going to the office or doing certain tasks , new retirees still need to work on themselves , their health , relationships , identity , purpose and more .
For example , they ’ ll have to learn how to say “ no ” to adult children or perhaps stop a sibling from sabotaging an aging parent ’ s care . They ’ ll have to deal with their own physical changes , learn from mistakes , adopt to new technology , regularly get out of the house , meet new people and try new things .
What ’ s important here is that your clients walk into retirement prepared to embrace the jobs ahead rather than assume they ’ re on a permanent lunch break .
7 . The lost and found . Ever been to your kids ’ or grandkids ’ elementary school and seen the lost and found table ? It ’ s littered with good stuff that doesn ’ t have a place .
You can also think of that as a metaphor for how people can feel if they don ’ t find a new tribe of people that fosters a sense of belonging and provides support .
We know from Maslow ’ s hierarchy that feelings of love and belonging are key psychological needs for people . These don ’ t change simply because someone retires .
But like that misplaced mitten , sock or thermos , you can feel isolated and unwanted if you don ’ t take steps to connect with a new group of people in a similar stage of life .
Research suggests that active people with a strong social network are happier
Continued on page 54
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2025 | FINANCIAL ADVISOR MAGAZINE | 19