there is discord as a result , that usually means there was discord before I entered the picture .”
Sometimes , he says , one partner is so dominant that the other doesn ’ t have a chance to be heard . Don ’ t give in to that , he advises . Besides including both partners in every phone call and email , he says , “ Make sure that both partners feel invited and welcome at every meeting .”
If one person seems unusually quiet or uninvolved , look for clues as to why .
“ Be attentive and read the body cues of each spouse ,” says Ryan Verfurth , a financial planner and advisor at VWG Wealth Management in Vienna , Va . Active listening , he says , can be vital for understanding how each spouse feels about money matters .
If one spouse remains taciturn or passive , he suggests moving on to other management , bill payment , tax preparation , or saving for vacations and higher education expenses . In most marriages , responsibilities are divided .
Of course , couples might not agree about priorities or who is in charge of what . If there is a difference of opinion , “ validate both responses ,” says Heather Atkins , an advisor at Johnson Brunetti in Wethersfield , Conn . “ Work with them on getting to the solution that you , as the advisor , think makes the most sense . Your advising relationship with the couple will grow stronger for it .”
To be sure , this might require becoming more assertive . “ It can be a real challenge when goals are going at cross purposes ,” says John Ritter , managing partner at Ritter Daniher Financial Advisory , a Bluespring Wealth Partners firm , in Cincinnati . “ That ’ s when
“ Partners often overestimate their own role [ in financial decisions ]. For example , each partner might say they ’ re 70 % responsible , but we know that ’ s impossible .”
— Jenny Olson , Indiana University ’ s Kelley School of Business someone feel excluded or even bullied .
The advisor ’ s role , says Joan Malloy , regional president and senior managing director at MAI Capital Management in St . Louis , is to “ be a resource for the less financially involved spouse .”
Malloy further notes that it ’ s rare for both partners to be equally financially engaged . Nevertheless , the quieter spouse undoubtedly has “ other talents and makes other contributions ,” she says , that should not be discounted .
The Importance Of Listening
When married couples first come to the office of Sam Waltman , a senior wealth advisor at Kayne Anderson Rudnick in Salt Lake City , he asks directly how involved each partner is or wants to be in financial decisions . “ In most cases , it ’ s simply a matter of listening to both partners weigh in ,” he says . “ If topics . You can build rapport by asking about interests , work , hobbies , sports , family or whatever . “ The conversation isn ’ t and shouldn ’ t always be about finances ,” says Verfurth .
Don ’ t Take Everything At Face Value
Jenny Olson , assistant professor of marketing at Indiana University ’ s Kelley School of Business in Bloomington , Ind ., studies couples ’ financial decisions . She says advisors shouldn ’ t necessarily believe everything they ’ re told by the couple .
“ Partners often overestimate their own role [ in financial decisions ]. For example , each partner might say they ’ re 70 % responsible , but we know that ’ s impossible ,” she says .
Olson recommends asking couples how they navigate a broad array of decisions , including investments , retirement planning , daily budgeting , debt we have to put on our communication and counseling hat and help them find a middle ground .”
Facilitate Communication
The point is to facilitate communication and encourage insights , not force anything . “ Working with an advisor provides a platform for discussion that otherwise may not be available , especially for the less money-dominant or financially savvy spouse ,” says Jeff Mattonelli , a financial advisor at Van Leeuwen & Co . in Princeton , N . J .
Having each partner rank what matters most to them — security , retirement , education funding , travel , etc .— can reveal a great deal about their goals , interests , concerns , risk tolerance and feelings about money , says Jennifer McCarthy , a managing director and trust counsel at Fiduciary Trust International in New
SEPTEMBER 2023 | FINANCIAL ADVISOR MAGAZINE | 31