FINANCIAL LIFE PLANNING

Mitch Anthony

When you ’ re more aware of yourself as a talker , you ’ ll see how important some conversations are .

OU USUALLY KNOW WHEN YOU ARE HEADED INTO AN important exchange — a big conversation — where you have something significant to gain or lose . It ’ s that conversation where what you could lose would be difficult to recover , and what you could gain may never appear again . In other words , you have one opportunity to make it work .

We all know when we ’ re steering into a talk worth having , but we don ’ t always know how important it will be . Or we might be talking to someone and not realize how important the subject is to them when it seems less so to us . By misjudging the other person ’ s emotional investment in a discussion , we might be sabotaging their trust in us .

There are several reasons people want to talk , and when they do , it ’ s usually with less or more emotional investment in the exchange .

Less Invested

We invest less when we ’ re in chitchat mode , enjoying a casual discussion , simply exchanging information or brainstorming . In these engagements , there is little threat and we ’ re less on guard . This type of conversation is likely going to be sterile — the only real danger we face in such encounters is that we might come off as less than truthful or slip into insult , disregard or condescension . You have to remember to show respect to others as they speak , even in these situations .

When we ’ re brainstorming , meanwhile , we operate in a context of playing or exploring . It is one of the rare forms of conversation where people are

There are several reasons people want to talk , and when they do , it ’ s usually with less or more emotional investment in the exchange . fairly comfortable with chaos and disorder ( a storm they can actually enjoy ).

More Invested Then there are times we ’ re more emotionally invested — when we ’ re trying to negotiate , persuade , apologize , show concern or solve conflicts . Also , we ’ re more invested when we ’ re openly in disagreement with someone . In these more intense encounters , both parties are often fairly vigilant .

In apologies , for instance , we are often fragile , hoping for forgiveness and harmony , and we typically want to end the conversation as soon as possible , perhaps prematurely when we would miss a more important goal of better understanding each other . If we ’ re in disagreement with someone , successful communicating requires a flexible frame of mind to change strategies at the last minute instead of getting locked into a preconceived script . ( Think of quarterback Peyton Manning changing plays at the last minute — which is known in football as “ calling an audible .”)

In some cases , we ’ re intent on achieving order and pushing for resolution — even though a premature push for order short-circuits the results we hope to achieve . By pushing too hard and too fast in conversation , our need for control can backfire on us and have the opposite effect .

We all know the frustration of trying

NOVEMBER 2023 | FINANCIAL ADVISOR MAGAZINE | 21