FINANCIAL LIFE PLANNING

Mitch Anthony

Remember that the clients you ’ re talking to are in the middle of their own narrative . You must find out what it is .

Singular moments never present themselves in exactly the same way again . In other words , we cannot flub our performances and then demand second takes .

MAGINE YOUR LIFE AS A MOVIE THAT IS JUST BEING ‘ SHOT ,’ but that you will not be permitted to ‘ cut ’ anything out of the original film . Once the film is taken it cannot be retroactively changed .”

These are the words of the late Dr . Viktor Frankl , a philosopher and Holocaust survivor ( he ’ s the author of Man ’ s Search for Meaning ). He uses the film analogy to help people decide how to act in particular situations . With this analogy , he hoped to impress upon them both the irreversible quality of human life and the historical nature of human existence .

Our moments are irreversible , so obviously our interactions with people are . So how do we become better at these interactions and become master conversationalists ?

Our starting point is this principle : We should appreciate the singularity of each moment in context . A moment in conversation — or any moment — is irreversible . How you engage in it determines whether you will play protagonist or antagonist , hero or villain or a supporting role ( or whether you will end up on the cutting-room floor ) in an evolving story that involves you and the other person .

Singular moments never present themselves in exactly the same way again . In other words , we cannot flub our performances and then demand second takes . That should give us pause and make us ask if the things we ’ re saying are constructive or destructive , thoughtful or flippant ). Because whatever they are , they ’ re woven into the fabric going forward . Things will change in the next encounter . Emotions will change . Consider the following examples I ’ ve come across :

• A business owner , Terry , told me about a time he sat down with a business associate to discuss forming a partnership . Terry couldn ’ t understand why the other person , who had become a friend , wasn ’ t keen on the idea . Then the friend started talking about his pending divorce — about how he had grown pessimistic about agreements and the optimistic promises that held them together . He was not in a place to enter any new agreements . If Terry hadn ’ t known this , he might have been offended at being rebuffed , and their working relationship might have suffered . The timing for a partnership was critical , and yet in this case it was critically wrong .

That ’ s why it ’ s important for us to ask ourselves how the conversation fits into the overall context of the other person ’ s reality .

• When my son was in his early 20s , he called me to talk about whether he should change his career path and go back to school . I started to wonder during the discussion why we were having it at that point and what was going on in his life . As it happens , my son was home for the holidays and he ’ d talked to a cousin around his same age , someone who had just graduated from college and been accepted at a law school . The cousin was enthusiastic about his prospects , while my son felt as if he were lagging in his own pursuits . He had always measured success a different way

22 | FINANCIAL ADVISOR MAGAZINE | NOVEMBER 2024 WWW . FA-MAG . COM