and was more about encouraging people struggling with mental health issues , and he had been torn between what the world labels as success and how he had chosen to use his talents . By the time the conversation ended , my son realized that he could pursue some studies that would help him broaden the reach of his original mission rather than throw it out completely — and a career change was not necessary . So our conversation was less about him taking a new path in life and more about reaffirming the path he had chosen .

Here are some good questions to ask about moments like this :

1 . Why are we having this conversation right now and not a month ago or a month from now ? Should we be having this conversation right now ?

2 . How did we get to where we are ? What events or circumstances have led us to this talk ?

3 . How does this discussion fit into the other person ’ s bigger picture ? Since this chance moment in time won ’ t come too late in figuring that out , you ’ ll likely not connect the way you want to .

We usually want to do two things if we ’ re facing a difficult ( but crucial ) talk . One is to put it off as long as possible , hoping it becomes unnecessary . The other is to rush through it . But being sensitive to the emotional condition of the other party must be our singular consideration if we want to make our conversations meaningful .

A good conversational strategy can also be your safety vest if these conversations turn hostile — say , if they ’ re about injuries or disagreements or involve some kind of tense negotiation . Master conversationalists discipline themselves to be fully present in each discussion . That means bringing curiosity about where the other person is and what has brought them to this point .

If you do this , you ’ ll comprehend people ’ s emotional needs and will be less likely to make dangerous missteps .

It also means minding your responses .

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Being sensitive to the emotional condition of the other party must be our singular consideration if we want to make our conversations meaningful .

again , we need to give special attention to what someone is saying and why . Is there something happening to them at this point that makes them more prone to worry , offense or hurt ? You won ’ t know unless you have the context and discover the roots of the feelings . If you make contact with somebody who ’ s got a fresh wound , your words might only intensify their pain and delay their healing . On the other hand , without any attention , the wound will harden and scar , preventing any further opportunity for restoration .

Consider that the person you ’ re talking to is living on two timelines , one of facts and one of visceral emotions . Aside from the facts of their situation , are you following their emotional journey ? Are they at a peak or a nadir ? If you are too early or

Perhaps we should use phrases like , “ This feels really important . You must ’ ve given this a lot of thought .” It will not only help you show empathy but help you determine where the other person is emotionally and let them show that what they are feeling is important .

In your next conversation with a client , try to figure out how it fits into the larger picture of their life and well-being — and then ask yourself how it fits into the larger picture of your life and well-being .

When we do our best to capture the meaning of the moment , we have discovered the point of conversation .

MITCH ANTHONY is the creator of Life-Centered Planning , the author of 18 books for advisors and their clients , and the co-founder of ROLadvisor . com and LifeCenteredPlanners . com .

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NOVEMBER 2024 | FINANCIAL ADVISOR MAGAZINE | 23