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F YOUR CLIENTS WERE ALLOWED TO FILL OUT A QUESTIONNAIRE AND grade your listening skills, how well do you think you’ d do? Let’ s imagine a scorecard( see the table).

In the real world, your clients and prospects don’ t often offer this kind of feedback— instead they simply move on from you if your score is poor.

But if in fact you want to learn how to be mindful— and know how to be pulled into your clients’ orbit— you need to pay closer attention when they speak and notice how“ tuned in” you are to the content of their words. They aren’ t going to simply take your lead because you show erudition and brilliance. People may be distracted and enchanted by shooting stars, but they don’ t follow them for long.

Empathy and the Art of Helping

“ If one is truly to succeed in leading a person to a specific place, one must first and foremost take care to find him where he is and begin there,” wrote Søren Kierkegaard, the famed Danish philosopher, theologian and social critic.“ This is the secret in the entire art of helping. Anyone who cannot do this is himself under a delusion if he thinks he is able to help someone else. To truly help someone else, I must understand more than he— but certainly first and foremost understand what he understands.”( This comes from his essay,“ The Point of View for My Work as an Author.”)

Listening Skill Listening Grade

My advisor gives me his undivided attention when I am talking.

My advisor is tuned into me rather than thinking of her own response.

My advisor answers in a way that reflects my major concerns.

My advisor keeps conversation focused on my needs, issues and concerns.

My advisor gives a summary of what I have shared and of his intended response.

A __ B __ C __ D __ F __

It helps to have a humble heart combined with a true desire to understand those we serve. Open ears can train a restless tongue. When we connect, we fight the strange gravitational force that makes us want to pull everyone’ s attention back to ourselves.

Resonance: Creating Lasting Connections

It also helps to find“ resonance”— that feeling you get when someone’ s story or experiences echo your own. That feeling should be our primary aim in any conversation.

To get there, we would all do well to occasionally ponder our own communication and ask what our goals are when we talk. If your primary motivation is to convince, persuade and document, you might be aiming too low.

I remember years ago receiving a call from the principal of a large urban high school where I was scheduled to speak. He asked what I was going to talk about— and for some reason, he was worried. When I said that I was going to discuss personal issues( about being harassed over a crooked eye in my school years and how I had suffered grief after losing a friend in a drowning accident), he was relieved.

“ Thank goodness,” he said.“ We don’ t need to hear from any more astronauts!” He wanted someone to talk about real life experiences and the struggles of adolescence, not about how anybody could go

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FA Magazine March/April 2026 | Page 20

The Empathy Report Card

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